It's such a curious thing, life. Really, it is.
When we were younger, when something unfair would happen to us, our parents would always say "Well life's not fair." And I'm sure those things weren't fair. Ice cream cones should always be the same size, and bike rides always the same length of time for those sharing. But until something really unfair, really just plain crazy sucky happens to us, its hard to realize all the petty things in our lives we fuss over.
After awhile, time starts really picking up the pace and the best you can do is hold on as tight as you can. It becomes really difficult to start pinpointing specific moments in our lives. Like, when did I decide it was okay to do such and such, or how in the world am I so in love with this person and when did that happen, or why I did I ever stop doing such and such?
We make decisions, every day. The conscious ones are the ones that are easier to deal with. You can deal with a mistake if you know you caused it. You can realize where you went wrong in your judgment and fix it for the next time. But there are some things in life that we have absolutely no control over, things that knock the wind out of us, or induce nauseating levels of tears. They take us by surprise, shake up our world and rock us to our core. They force us to deal, or to choose not to deal. Some of these uncontrollables are happy accidents, others will change our lives forever, leave us empty or scarred or hurt in some way.
When you know you did something wrong, no matter how stupid it was, you can take the blame, or if it was someone else's fault you can choose to place blame if needed. But the blessing is that you at least have SOMEONE or SOMETHING to blame. Those side-swiping yucky things though, the ones that we never saw coming, the reason they suck so bad is that there is literally nowhere to place blame, no face or name to put on it and say you did this to me, or I did this to me. So without an outlet for the blame you just end up angry, not at anyone, not even at yourself, just angry at all of this mess that has befallen you. You get angry and you don't really know how to get un-angry.
Some people, like myself, use humor to simmer down the anger, because sometimes you just have to laugh so you don't cry. Yes, it's self-depricating, humiliating, humbling...but it helps in this weird way. It helps because when you're humoring yourself about it at least you are TALKING about it. Keeping these kind of struggles inside and not letting others in is the biggest mistake you can make.
Yes, its un-freakin-fair. It's so unfair that you want to lay in bed and cry and eat ice-cream and onion rings and snuggle up to some Captain. And yes, that does help, for awhile. But then you're just lethargic, fat, hungover and STILL angry. Because you're choosing not to deal, but to bury. See the thing with burying your problems, your struggles, is that life has this nasty habit of digging them back up when you least expect it.
The thing we have to understand is that IT'S OKAY TO BE ANGRY. You've been hurt, or you've been diagnosed with something or you've lost someone so dear to you, those things are not normal. Those things are okay to get upset about. We've got to get away from this "tough guys (and girls) don't cry" mentality and realize that sometimes you just have to freaking cry and let it all go. Don't let anyone talk you out of your pain, tell you to be brave and stop crying. IT'S OKAY TO BE SCARED. Being scared means you still have something to lose.The trick is to be able to eventually use that anger and that fear to help you get over whatever it is that's got you stuck. Use it as motivation to let other people know about your situation and what they can do (if there is anything they can do) to avoid what happen to you.
In some cases though, there really isn't anything you can do. Thinking about your situation in weeks or months or years can be scary, daunting, and can seem completely overwhelming. The important thing to remember is that we just have to tackle our problems one day at a time, and that's the most anyone can ever expect us to do.
Maybe the best part about yucky-sucky things (yes there is a good part) is that they have a way of bringing clarity to the relationships in your life. Those people who say "I'll always be there for you no matter what, even if it's 3 o'clock in the morning," really have a chance to prove themselves. The man that says he loves you and won't leave, the one who promises to protect, gets his chance to. The family who says they'll love you unconditionally really really has to. And the ones who don't...? Do I even have to answer that question? If they can't handle you at your worst, when you're sobbing and snotting and selfish because you just want to pout, if they don't like you then, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best.
